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I Am Lion

© 2016 Matthew Kenneally

Burning Man

I am constantly surprised
at how far down rock bottom lies
and now the whole world is rolling it’s eyes
I’m only coming down from the fiercest high

I try to make myself forget
I think it’s better to had never met
and now I’m gonna take my rest
Who wants to be awake when it ends?

Did you think it was your birthright?
no one told you, you aim way too high
well God knows I’ve tried
just let me pass by
leave me alone

I tried to let it be, tried to let it in
I tried to touch, I tried to make friends
but I spoke too soon, now I’m on my knees
just take this longing away from me

And when I breathe my final apology
it’ll be the finest the world has seen
I made a promise to myself that I’d bare it all
and try to call it going out in style

I, I don’t wanna try
I’ve been staring too long
thought it was a magic eye
but there’s nothing to find
they fed us on lies

I’m running to my destiny
I’ve got sand in my shoes
and I’m soaked in sweat
and I’m out of breath
as I round the bend

But there she is
she sits beneath the crucifix
with him
and they’re drinking wine
on a blanket I know I left behind

Call my mother
I don’t wanna share
do I have to share?
and somebody says
It’s not mine to share
and it never was

Women’s Business

Your room’s a disgrace
outside you’ve filled your ashtray
sit and stare for days
at a blank canvas

Everybody is getting nervous
you’ve told too many

How’s it gonna turn out?
just splash the paint around
no need to plan it out
it’s always been your style

I knew a girl once
I had to wind her up
I wound her up so tight
used to make her cry

And when she left
she said she could finally breathe
so free, at last

I believe in love
and compassion
If it’s what you want
then I’m it’s biggest fan

Lately I can’t sleep
been lying through my teeth
do I inspire you?
just tell me what to do

I believe in light
and mysticism
If it’s what you like
then I’ll dance to the rhythm


I’m right back at the start
I’m in a drunken bar
a man’s yelling at a kid
the kid doesn’t look up
It’s just the three of us

back and forth I sway
wishing I had something to say
but I can’t make up my mind
I Just can’t choose a side
so things will never change

Someone’s knocking at the door now
it’s Jesus
He takes a seat but just stares at the floor
He says He knows what it is to be human
but doesn’t know what to do anymore

You can change your style
or anything you choose
but can you change what you want? 
when it runs in your blood?
I knew what I had to do

Well you should’ve seen me
was too excited to sleep
I took a walk in the park
a fresh start
looking back now I have to laugh

Before the Christians get too excited
this is not a cry for help
with all the shit that I had to work with
I put together this bed for myself

I could never be the man you wanted
or both of us needed me to be
and if you think you’re disappointed
you’re not as disappointed as me


You’re elusive
like the circles 
and the rivers that I speak of
sometimes the idea is best

and exercise
positive thinking
I know what it feels like
I’ve read the book that’s meant to change your life

And I’m in debt
I skipped work again
just to kill time with a good friend
and I can’t pretend
but it’s nice to be on the other end

And I shower you with compliments
just to keep you at arms length
don’t go away
but don’t get too close

You just play your cards right
and I’m the next boy in line
and my friends think they’ve got you pegged
when they say 
“Never trust a chameleon”

Well it may be all in my head
isn’t that what everyone says?
but I trust you for the most part
yes I trust you 
for the most part


I have,
I have only done my best
I deserve,
I deserve a cigarette
‘cause Jesus broke my heart when I was only ten
I forgive him
but it doesn’t mean we still have to be friends

You’ve gone ahead of me
It’s all just been reversed
I’m glad I could have helped you out

I always thought I’d be the first
but how on Earth am I gonna impress you now?

I’m walking up the road and come across a little house
and hear somebody laugh

Peering in, she’s smiling from the inside out
my face is pressed up to the glass

She’s wearing,
she is wearing a Buddhist smile
but it’s easy when you get your heart’s desires
but me I’m running,
running out of things to try
and I’m wasting,
I am wasting precious time

Went and spent all my birthday money,
on a Psychic Hunny who had Spirit Guides living on her dash
I tried to hold my disappointment back
as she handed me a blindfold 
and I handed her the cash

Running out of options, I’ve got time to kill
taking a gamble on a barren field
hey if you win, you win
you lose, you lose
and I was born with the will to dance,
but not the moves

Now I’m in a room full of awakened people,
shaking their heads at me
I showed up at the party drunk
I’m a lost kid tugging on the shirts of people I meet
“Just tell me what I’m supposed to learn? 
I’m happy to cheat!”

It’s a desperate plea
“Look at me, I’ve got the Christ key!”
I just wanna see
I’m breaking open the head
opening every door to the Occult
If my mother saw
I’d tell her what everybody already knows,
I’m all talk

The Petty Details of So-and-So’s Life

I buried our cat under the tree at your house
but you didn't wanna see me
you didn't even come out
Is this the kind of girl I fell for?
I guess I've changed too
I shouldn't really talk
I was a good man
now I've got a mean streak
please try not to take this personally
I heard you're living in the town I showed to you
make sure you take him to all the places I took you to
It's not that I wanna make it hard for you
I just don't wanna make it easy to
fuck me over, pour me out
forget my name so quick for someone else
Do you feel skinny when you're with him?
he's bigger than me, I was too thin
am I bitter? I can be sweet
but that was our hill, our cemetery
You give all of your boyfriends a final kiss
I used to mean the world
now I don't mean shit
And when I fell down, I fell pretty hard
It's gonna take a while for me to get back up
have you told him yet? That you can't make love?
all you know how to do is fuck
And in my smoke-filled mind I see no blaze of light
I am a lick of paint waiting in the sun to dry
People tell me, I am doing well
I have felt things I had never felt
I hope one day that you can feel them too
for all the men who ever fell for you

And now I'm sliding deep down into myself
I sit here crying at the base of an empty well
I wish I could just blindly believe
In all the shit I know that you read
you've found your Guru, 
I guess Eckhart sides with you
makes it easier to do the things you do
In light of all I've ever said and done
I think I can be many things at once
the Holy and the Broken, forever fused
would you believe me now,
if I said I still love you?

Fickle Heart

With me all this shit begins
with me it’s supposed to end
but I’m sharing it with my family
dishing it out to my friends

I see that you’ve got your drive back
I wish you told me the truth
and now I’m stooping as low as this
still writing shit about you

I believe you when you tell me
that you can’t help who you love
the problem comes with the territory
when you’ve got a fickle heart

And on his better days 
he doesn’t feel the need to change
and doesn’t get carried away
with memories he can’t erase

A flower in her hair
a Summer dress, her feet are bare
how lucky to have ever really been in love at all

I know he’s living close by me
practically just up the road
I should be taking the back streets
I never do as I’m told

I gave you too many apologies
for everything that I am
and now I’m giving up on the prospect
of being the bigger man

I wanna give them hell
I wanna make them pay
I’m only hurting myself
but I’m gonna anyway

Last Resort

I’m sitting alone
at a slot machine
watching my credit
slowly deplete
and I’m feeling alright
I’ve got enough for a drink
but there’s no use denying
I’m on a losing streak
And there’s a horse in my head
he’s untamed and black
and I hold out my hands
but I can’t hold him back
and when I stop to think
of what I could’ve been
I raise up my glass
to the potential unseen
And I’m getting close
to my last resort
before the credits roll
and the lights come on
I used to be certain
I’m no longer sure
of just what it is
I’ve been waiting for
And my fantasies
are growing dimmer each day
and I have to work hard
to convince them to stay
but now I’ve gone too far
and I can never be found
there’s nothing beneath my feet
there’s nothing all the way down
And like a spoilt kid
at a mother’s breast
like a hungry groom
at a wedding bed
I’ve held out my hand
to the one’s that I love
but now I can’t pay them back
I have taken too much
And I’m getting close
to my last resort
before the music fades
and the lights come on
In truth I’m already giving up
I’m leaving it all 
up to dumb luck
And I’ll never forget
the look in your eyes
when you finally began
to realize
I’m not half the man
you thought that I was
and if it means anything
I was just as surprised
And I’m getting close to my last resort
and I’ll take off my shoes
before I walk through the door
I’ve read enough
to know I’ll always be torn between
what actually is
and the promise of more

Hide and Seek

I meant to bury my past
but I built a tower instead
now it’s standing ridiculous
like a hard-on at a swimming event
and right at the top, there’s a balcony
with a wheel for me to spin
I’m gonna have a Grand Opening
you’re all invited to attend

You can ask me to dance
you can ask me to sing
I’m getting up on the table now
ready to perform my routine
and I see you looking at my hand
and I’m hoping that you can’t see the trick
before you get the chance to work it out
I’m gonna pack up and quietly leave

And I cannot tell when I’m telling the truth or I’m lying
and there’s a feeling I get every now and then, 
and it all starts unwinding
and I can’t tell if anything is as it seems

Are the wheels already in motion?
Is it just a matter of time?
I’m surprised how quickly I can turn
and throw it all up to the night
and thinking of last night’s conversation
when I forgot to turn off the mic
by morning I’m a little embarrassed 
‘cause I woke up feeling alright

I’ve been the fool
not just once or twice
and there’s a reason I don’t
take your well meaning advice
instead I’m slipping back into the sidelines
‘til I’m barely even in the game
and I have everything I need here
some cigarettes and a dwindling flame

And I don’t know how it’s all gonna pan out
but I’ve got a feeling
and I’m making a bed I have every intention to lie in
so keep it down
I might as well try to sleep

And when God comes looking for me
I will be right here
hiding in my element
with my hands over my eyes
and my head between my knees
if I can’t see You
then You can’t see me

Yeah when God comes looking for me
when He can’t take it anymore
and just has to see everything
I’ll be gone beneath the waves
in the place that I retreat to
if I can’t see You
then You can’t see me
if I can’t see You
then You can’t see me
if I can’t see You
then You can’t see me

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